His Royal Highness, King Obama, has decreed that he will put the US Constitution through his royal paper shredder, and force his peasants to purchase health insurance, whether they want it or not. If they choose not to buy it, King Obama will punish the peasants with fees. If the peasants cannot afford to acquire their own private health insurance, King Obama has provided an alternative, less attractive option called Obamacare, which is unfortunately more expensive than what most peasants are already paying. King Obama’s ultimate goal is to have every single peasant buying Obamacare instead of private health insurance, so that he may dictate which peasant gets what kind of healthcare, and to substantially limit the free market. In order to achieve his dreams of ultimate power, King Obama is forcing private health insurance companies to accept all peasants into their plans, regardless of any pre-existing conditions. His Royal Highness has waged this war on liberty, so that the private health insurance companies will be forced to raise their premiums, and make the expensive Obamacare premiums seem less atrocious. Because of this, private health insurance companies have had to drop some of their insurance plans.
King Obama is also forcing businesses with 50 or more employees that work 30 or more hours per week, to offer health insurance. This will inhibit the growth of small companies, limit hiring, lower employees’ hours and ultimately raise unemployment rates and poverty. The peasants who no longer have health insurance through their jobs, will now have to purchase Obamacare, or pay a fee to King Obama.
Many unsuspecting peasants have already tried to sign up for Obamacare on the website, but to no avail. The Obamacare website is a disaster, and a prime example of how government-run programs work: they don’t. One can only hope the Obamacare website is back up and running before Obama starts hitting the uninsured peasants with fees.
Despite the exuberant costs of Obamacare, it will STILL be unsustainable. To solve this, His Royal Highness has decided to introduce 20 new taxes to keep Obamacare out of the red. What a grand idea! Take money from the peasants that didn’t buy Obamacare AND from the peasants that did! Wherever would we be without our beloved, wise King Obama?